The Pick and the Choice

The NFL Draft will begin approximately one hour from now.  Millions of dollars will change hands.  Men who have been training physically and mentally for years will finally reach their goal.  They have to be stronger, faster, smarter, better than anyone at their position.  They have invested everything they are and hopefully will be.  The contracts will flow like water over the next few days.  Each team grabbing and scrambling for the best fit and biggest need.  Each player in the waiting room is as eager and jumpy as a batch of puppies at the pet store.  All of them are thinking, "Pick me!  Pick me!  I'll be the best thing that ever happened to you!  Please pick me!!!"

Does this translate to marriage?  We prepare during dating to find the right person and our heart acts like a puppy in the pet store.  "Please pick me!  I want to be loved!  I want to be cared for!  I'm tired of being alone!"  Then it really happens, somebody who we picked, picks us too.  Then it's awesome!  It's fun!  Getting to know each other better.  Getting to understand tendencies.  Going into training camp together builds camaraderie (thank you Dr. Burks).  It builds the teams identity.  Then after all the good fun and relationship building, it happens.

The season starts.

All the training, relationship building, fun, and love gets tested to its limits.  Teams who have chosen to be prepared for hard times and difficult situation (for richer and poorer, sickness and in health...) excel as a team, even during the losses.  Teams that aren't prepared start to fall apart. Their eyes start to shift toward others failings and miss their own.  They nitpick and blame.  Argue and fight.  Gripe and want out of their contract...  God, the overall commissioner, doesn't want this for us.  It looks bad on our team no matter how we try and hide it from others.  He hates it when the team breaks down.  It looks bad on us and God when we breakdown and push away any help. God calls us to work on our relationship with Him first and others second.  If we put the author of life and love into our marriage, dead relationships filled with hate don't stand a chance.

I encourage you to choose to work on your team/marriage this month.  Summer and all it's distractions are coming up quickly. Keep in mind the relationship you have with the Father and your spouse. Work hard on getting your communication up to speed.  Prepare hard for the upcoming seasons of difficulty together and it will make them much easier to handle and win!  May God bless!

'Twas the night...

'Twas the night before Valentine's, When all through the house.

Most of the people were vegging, Or clicking a mouse.

Each sat separately apart, making dents in their chair

Wondering if Domino's Delivery soon would be there.

The Children were quiet with their various IToys

The teenage girl and the pre-teen young boys.

Their birds were all Angry, their texts they did fly,

I don't even know my teenage girl's guy!

When the doorbell rang, it raised little interest,

Except for my wife who had finished her Pinterest.

Our dinner had come!  All hot, fresh, and round,

But, the kids didn't rise, with a leap nor a bound.

"Let's Eat!" my wife yelled with a small bit of glee, 

"I don't have to cook, I can have time just for me!"

The kids all slumped in with "great" attitudes each.

And their aforementioned attitudes weren't exactly quite "peach".

We opened the boxes and the steam then arose,

Not surprising, each kid turned up crinkled nose.

More rapid than DSL their complaints they then came,

Here's the short list of the complaints they did name:

"No olives!  No peppers!

No pepperoni or sausage!

I don't want veggie pizza!

Or garlic butter sauces!

Just cheese for my pizza!

That's all that I'll eat!"

And here I was thinking,

"I got them a treat."

They picked off the toppings and grumbled and grouched.

Then went back to sitting on chairs and the couch.

They weren't showing Love!  No Care!  Not a whit!

If one was on fire, it's doubtful they'd spit.

Like usual the rest of the evening I dread,

But finally, thankfully, they all went to bed.

IToys still glowing with songs turned up loud,

But as a dad, I realized, I wasn't real proud.

We don't ever talk!  They never do listen!

The more that I blamed, the point was I missin'?

What Love were we giving?  Where did we go wrong?

Our family life mirrored a sad country song!

I sat all alone with my thoughts just a streaming.

Where did it come from?  The fights?  The screaming?

I thought we'd be different!  The "Perfect" Family we'd seem!

But, was it a lie, a farce, a dream?

I sat and I thought.  And, I thought quite a while.

Why thoughts of my family, did not make me smile.

I had had enough!  Way past, "up to here"!

I went to the fridge, and cracked open a beer.

I poured it all out but started to think.

My family's just like this cheap little drink.

We're all emptied out.  There's not much inside.

And it started with us, me and my bride.

Our passion had faded, and so had our love.

We pretty much fit like a foot in a glove.

We went through the motions, had nothing to give.

The thing we did share was just where we live.

I wept and I wept and had to repent.

Before my family was totally spent!

I had stayed up all night, with this weight on my heart.

My family, on my watch, will not rip apart!

They all came downstairs and I gave them this warning.

"Our family will be different!  Starting this morning!"

They all looked shocked!  Alarmed!  Relief?

As if this good news was to good for belief!

"May our Love ever grow with Mercy and Grace.

Real Love for each other."  And then, I looked in their face.

There were tears all around.  We were filling back up!

A teaspoon at first, then overflowing a cup!

It's hard work to Love, but be willing to try!

The strength of your labor will not just pass by!

It will go on for ages!  Generations will know!

Your legacy of Love from here on will Grow!

May God Bless you!!!

A Gift to be Given

This time around, I have a guest writer!  Thank you Alena for writing an outstanding letter!  Please feel free to comment.  

Ramblings of an “Ignorant” Christian

C. Alena Baker

The recent Duck Dynasty controversy has been a crystalizing event for me.  Tuning into the news this weekend, I heard interview after interview label Phil Robertson’s comments as “homophobic”, “stupid”, “ignorant”, “horrible”, and “disparaging”.  What the media seems unable to grasp is that those of us with a biblical worldview see our sexuality as a gift to be exercised in God’s way, therefore we are- get this- responsible for our sexual behavior, and –even more scandalous- there are standards of sexual behavior God calls us to.  It is tremendously frightening to me that such a basic, fundamental belief is so swiftly dismissed as ludicrous- as if no one really with it and halfway educated could possibly subscribe to such “stupid” ideas.

The problem with the question of homosexuality is that it isn’t a broad enough topic to explain the serious Christian’s position.  Today my personal idea of sexual responsibility is regarded as laughable, even ancient, having been under assault my entire life.  For clarity purposes, here it is.  Sex between husband and wife is encouraged, a treasure to be cherished.  Sex outside of this is illicit.  That’s it!  So you see, before you even begin to discuss same-sex marriage/ homosexuality, we’re already regarded as “out of touch” when it comes to sexual norms. 

My first sexual encounter was on my wedding night in 1999 at age 20, and my husband and I have practiced monogamy ever since. A deliberate choice, and against all odds given what was expected of us from “culture”.  On a few separate occasions, I had friends laugh outright at me for this, not from cruelty, but from the simple shock it produced.  Upon learning where I attended church, one well-meaning friend commented that she knew someone who had grown up in a similar setting, and lamented that she was “pressured to get married right away and begin having children.”  While I held my tongue on this particular occasion, I immediately sensed she did not grasp the full story.  I was never pressured to get married right away nor have children at a certain time, but I was expected to behave in a sexually responsible way (hetero-sexual marital sex only), which in many cases results in – brace yourself for another shock- younger marriages.  Imagine that.  Young serious-minded people acting like adults, pledging themselves emotionally and sexually to one another for life in unconditional love.  Sounds awful, doesn’t it? 

                Now, compare the sexually responsible scenario I just painted to the predicament I witnessed as a public school teacher.  I taught in a violent, downtrodden neighborhood rife with poverty and drugs.  I immediately noted that intact family units were virtually unheard of.  As I updated cumulative folders I saw birth certificates with “---------“in the slot for the father’s name or saw a multitude of siblings with several different fathers.  There was even one occasion where a student of mine had 3 “new” siblings suddenly surface from yet another father, none of them ever having been to school before, though they were all school age.  It was commonplace for my students to disappear from class because they had been taken by CPS or moved back to their parents from a foster home.  Once, we were discussing first, middle and last names and I wrote the names of my immediate family on the board to which one girl responded with, “Oh my gosh! You all have the same last name!”  Another girl, the resident know-it-all, raised her hand importantly to comment, “I know why your last names are the same- you and your husband are married.”  To which my entire class issued a collective, “Oh…..” as if something new and novel had just been revealed.

In my years of teaching I carefully digested the plight of my dear students in a culture that gave them virtually nothing except hardship.  There were and are MANY problems in such neighborhoods, all of which are complex to solve.  BUT- I found myself imagining how different things would be if just one of my “outrageous” Christian ideas was embraced….sexual responsibility.  Think about it.  No blank birth certificates.  Marriages.  Families- fathers, mothers and children bound together, providing for each other, inseparable.  And yet, Phil Robertson and people like me are regarded as fools.   

 I’ve witnessed the results of adopting the philosophy of “anything goes”.  Don’t tell me it doesn’t matter.  Don’t tell me it’s backwards, homophobic, and ignorant.  It is a standard of behavior- one that contributes to the health, wealth and happiness of those that live by it.  It will be interesting to see what happens with Duck Dynasty.  I don’t know how many of us are left out there, but if the media continues to call us such awful names, I hope it will awaken our passion anew.  Not of out hatred or ill-will,  mind you, but out of conviction that LOVE of the purist kind is still to be had in this world, in the redemption of Christ and His power over sin of all kinds, not just sexual ones.  I have tasted the redemption, and its fruit is sweet.  I think often of my former students, and how sweet it might taste to them. 

Things we don't hear often enough...

You have got what it takes to succeed!  Reader, we don't hear this truth often enough.

God gives us everything we need to win!  Absolutely everything!  Now, with that being said, is life easy?  Is parenting easy?  Is marriage easy?  No three times.  Did anyone ever tell you, "life will be easy?"  They were selling something.  Probably a self help book or a Sham-Wow.  God really tried to make the path simple for us to follow.  

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

That verse sounds easy.  Anyone else found parenting to be the easiest job ever?  I was a vat washer in a meat packing plant.  9 hours a day, 6 days a week of washing some of the biggest, nastiest, metal vats.  100+ degrees F in there due to the high powered super hot water and chemical hoses.  Stinky, sweaty, and overall the second hardest job I've ever done.  

Parenting is a constant reminder that God has a sense of humor but trusts us to do what is right.  What kind of encouragement does God give us? Keep trying! (Isaiah 41:10) Don't Quit! (Isaiah 40:29) You can do it! (Philippians 4:16) God is our BIGGEST fan!  He wants us to succeed and see us joyful! So much so that He gives us strength for the journey whenever we need it. 

Life is going to be tough due to the enemy trying to steal, kill, and destroy us. (John 10:10) He tries to devour us and take us out. (I Peter 5:8) He also tries to take out our children, early and often.  We do them a disservice by not preparing them for the battles ahead.  Teach them how to "Stand" (Ephesians 6:11&13)  and how to fight.  (14-18)  

Teach them in the end, God wins!  (Revelation 20:10)  Teach them that Real Love never fails! (I Corinthians 13:1-8)  And teach them that, just like their Mommy and Daddy, they have what it takes to succeed!

May God bless you and yours tomorrow on Thanksgiving and for many years to come!

Be authentic

This is a semi-easy one to write today!  This touches my heart quite a bit because it means hard choices have to be made.  What is it that makes your life worthwhile?  Is it the corporate ladder?  Is it the pursuit of money?  Or, is it your family and doing what inspires you?  Patrick Mead shared an excellent point on his blog last week.  What we cannot move is our god.  We put things in order of importance and subscribe to them totally.  I was told a goodly while back by a great brother that a solid definition of lust is "whatever gets between you and God."  Lust of money, lust of job, lust of women/men.  Whatever gets between you and taking care of the blessings (i.e. your family) God has given you, is just not worth it.  John 14:1 "Don't let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God, trust also in me."  Many things come up to distract or divide us.  What gets in your way of seeing what is most important?  Where is your time and energy spent the most?  If it is in pursuit of things that won't last, maybe it's time to rethink some strategies!  May God bless!

Giving Up

Giving up even an ounce of precious freedom is a very serious thing to do.  

- Charles Schumer

Very rarely does anyone want to give up anything.  Control, money, power, house, cars, life, time, job, vacation, etc...  Giving something up for another means, "I don't have as much as I did and that makes me less of a person!"  This seems serious...

So what does the verse mean in Ephesians 5:25?  "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..."  I believe it means to give without expecting anything in return.  Jesus went and died for us knowing all the while He would be rejected.  

So, what does that mean for us husbands?  It means we lay down our lives for our wives.  We lay down our "stuff".  Newspaper, remote/clicker, ipad, ipod, iphone, laptop, internet, and dare I say it...  Sports?  (Yup, I dared)   Offer your love, strength, and presence to her.  

It is one of the most difficult things to give up.  It's not in our nature to "quit".  We don't hear it from our old grizzled football coaches, bosses, or non-old grizzled football coaches.  The media and our culture certainly tells us to not give an inch because everyone will take a mile from you. 

You have to ask yourself the question, "How important is this to me?"  Is my wife worth the time and effort it will take from me?  I "need" to relax.  I have been at work all day and she has been home playing with the kids.  I guess I can invest some of myself and time before the game comes on.  Maybe if I wash the dishes or wipe off the counter top  she'll want to do a little something after the kids are down!  

Seem familiar?  If your relationship is this one sided, perhaps an overhaul is in order.  You aren't thinking of your wife.  I'm just as guilty of this thinking as anyone.

We shouldn't be about what we can get, but what we can give.  God designed us as a perfect match with the woman.  Two halves of God's personality, made in His image.  Honestly, if we laid down our "stuff" for her, most of our wives would faint or wonder if our new medication has side effects.  

Just for today, to start slow, try and be like Christ.  Look outside your wants and at your wife. Then ask yourself a simple question, "How can I give my life for you today?"  See what changes will happen in your heart and hers.  Give your life for hers today without thinking what is in it for you.  

Making a Come Back

There's a good thing about hitting rock bottom.  It forces you to make a choice.  Stay and die, or get up and climb.  When you hear about "Making a Come Back", it is generally about a sports team that was down by a seemingly insurmountable number of points. Your back is to the wall and it's time to make a decision to either throw in the towel, or commit to going all out and fighting for the win.  Cue the story of the Prodigal Son.

Or, call it The Story of Us.  

We start off with great intentions.  Freedom, Fun, Fantasy!  The promise of adventure and good times! We get so caught up on our own wants, we forget about everything else...  

This story resonates throughout scripture.  How about the very first story about people.  Adam and Eve were in perfect harmony and relationship with God.  They walked and talked with their Father on a consistent basis. Then they believed a snake and literally all hell broke loose on us.  Lost their home, their freedom, their longevity, their innocence, and worst, their relationship with their Father.  

The Israelites have a story that reads like a novel written on a rolodex.  It just keeps going around and around and is the same every time.  They were given a land that was very lush and beautiful.  When they followed God, He fed them, took care of their needs, protected them, and they won every battle.  When they didn't have God and followed their own desires, they lost it all to various raiders and nations.  He had to constantly send someone to rescue them.  Einstein's definition of insanity is a great description here.  

Or from the old Disney cartoons.  When Pinocchio meets up with Lampwick, his mind gets filled with the idea that his current life isn't enough. He should be having more fun!  He's being oppressed!  What you have isn't good enough!  Go somewhere where anything goes!  But, what happens in the end? They literally became jackasses.  (Walt Disney's words, not mine) Their life of fun and leisure came with a price they weren't expecting to have to pay.

The Prodigal Son is a great example of us.  We have a choice to make.  When he had hit rock bottom and had nothing to live for, he made a choice, to come back.  He came back to his father.  He was willing to come back in whatever capacity his dad would accept him.  He was bone tired, starving, and weary of doing it his way.  As most all of us have learned in one way or another, our way doesn't work. Life isn't Burger King.  If we are very domineering and don't listen, we can expect very messy relationships.  If we "jump off the bridge" (yup, the same one our parents always warned us about), then we can expect to get hurt.  But, we will have done it our way.  A parallel to the Prodigal son with our life. We do things 100% our way and eventually, we will be very much alone.  

Our stories would be depressing and awful if that's where they ended.  In a pig sty, wasting away with no hope and no future.  One of the powerful things in the story is the son's choice.  He decides to come back home.  

He turns his life around by choice. He knew it wasn't going to be easy. He knew he would have to face his father.  He rehearsed his speech the whole way home in shame, but he knew what he had to do to get away from where he was. Ephesians 2:1-7 shows us this.  We make a come back and God is waiting on us.  In the story, the father is looking and waiting constantly for his son to return. He doesn't run after him, nor does he send spies to check when he messes up.  He waits for him to make the choice to come back.  And when he does, what does the story say?  He RAN! Gathered his robes up and took off as fast as his old feet would carry him!  Didn't want to hear explanations, didn't want anything but to hold his son who he thought was dead. He didn't care about his son's past sin and separation, He cared about his son.

So, what's the moral of the story?  It's up to you to fight for the come back!  There is hope for a win!  There is happy endings to the worst of stories!  Dad is waiting!  Scanning the horizon for any sign that He needs to get on His track shoes and take off down the dusty road toward you! We are the lost son and it's past time to get found. He cares about you and wants you no matter where you are in your life or sin right now.  Dad's Love is waiting!